I got a feeling that Hippolytus was calling it off.
Hippolytus called me Friday night and told me he wasn't sure that he would be able to come around Saturday because Lamiai and the children were sick. I think I almost scoffed. A part of me recognized that he probably agreed just to avoid hurting my feelings. Actually, it was the dominant part of my thought process. Only a small part agreed that it might be possible that he still fancies me and really does want to sleep with me.
He turned up last night at about 7:30pm and told me that his children were sick. I invited him in for a minute so that I could listen to him make up lies. He had been granted permission to leave the house for a little so that he could go get the children their medicine (Lamiai has whooping cough or something). I didn't believe him for a second. I repeated, again and again and again, that if he didn't want to do it he didn't have to. If he was no longer interested in me he wasn't going to hurt my feeling by telling me so. He kept denying it though, insisting that I had no idea how much he wanted to (not that he could verbalize it with any confidence).
As we sat there at the table talking I was relieved in a way. It's been a long time since I've felt someone else's skin beneath my fingertips. Yet I found that apart from my desperate need to be touched there was nothing in me that was attracted to him.
As he was leaving, after about 20 minutes and me ignoring him, I asked if there was a chance that he could bring bread by on his way back. Awful, yes? Well he did bring the bread by. I asked him how much I owed him and he said nothing but he asked if he could have a hug. I figured, sure, why not?
He turned up a third time about an hour later. I hadn't been expecting him to come back. He had told Lamiai that he was going out to get some dinner for himself. We sat at the table and talked... while I did crosswords and refused to look him in the eye.
I had debated doing anything even before this. I am not the sort of person that would be the 'other woman' or cheat on my partner. It's just over this last week, after the rejection letter, that I have started thinking that perhaps hedonism is called for. It didn't stop me from thinking about seeing Lamiai at the school knowing
that I had slept with her partner. It felt wrong. And sure, wrong is what I wanted to do, but doing wrong didn't feel right.
As we talked I gave him opportunities but he didn't take them. The part of me that believed he wanted to be with me was starting to beat out the negative side. I could see his hand flickering as he tried to reach out and touch me but his nerves would fail.Opportunities missed he left. As we stood at the door he hugged me. I could feel his hands running along my body and his need to have me. I thought as he pressed himself against me that if he tried to kiss me I would turn my head, despite the tingling between my thighs. Tingling that had nothing to do with him,
He called later. We talked and I made my point- the ship had sailed.
I can't even believe that I even contemplated doing somethign that stupid. If I had been attracted to him then I still might have gone through with it, though I hope that I wouldn't have. Alas, we'll never know.
Hippolytus called me Friday night and told me he wasn't sure that he would be able to come around Saturday because Lamiai and the children were sick. I think I almost scoffed. A part of me recognized that he probably agreed just to avoid hurting my feelings. Actually, it was the dominant part of my thought process. Only a small part agreed that it might be possible that he still fancies me and really does want to sleep with me.
He turned up last night at about 7:30pm and told me that his children were sick. I invited him in for a minute so that I could listen to him make up lies. He had been granted permission to leave the house for a little so that he could go get the children their medicine (Lamiai has whooping cough or something). I didn't believe him for a second. I repeated, again and again and again, that if he didn't want to do it he didn't have to. If he was no longer interested in me he wasn't going to hurt my feeling by telling me so. He kept denying it though, insisting that I had no idea how much he wanted to (not that he could verbalize it with any confidence).
As we sat there at the table talking I was relieved in a way. It's been a long time since I've felt someone else's skin beneath my fingertips. Yet I found that apart from my desperate need to be touched there was nothing in me that was attracted to him.
As he was leaving, after about 20 minutes and me ignoring him, I asked if there was a chance that he could bring bread by on his way back. Awful, yes? Well he did bring the bread by. I asked him how much I owed him and he said nothing but he asked if he could have a hug. I figured, sure, why not?
He turned up a third time about an hour later. I hadn't been expecting him to come back. He had told Lamiai that he was going out to get some dinner for himself. We sat at the table and talked... while I did crosswords and refused to look him in the eye.
I had debated doing anything even before this. I am not the sort of person that would be the 'other woman' or cheat on my partner. It's just over this last week, after the rejection letter, that I have started thinking that perhaps hedonism is called for. It didn't stop me from thinking about seeing Lamiai at the school knowing
that I had slept with her partner. It felt wrong. And sure, wrong is what I wanted to do, but doing wrong didn't feel right.
As we talked I gave him opportunities but he didn't take them. The part of me that believed he wanted to be with me was starting to beat out the negative side. I could see his hand flickering as he tried to reach out and touch me but his nerves would fail.Opportunities missed he left. As we stood at the door he hugged me. I could feel his hands running along my body and his need to have me. I thought as he pressed himself against me that if he tried to kiss me I would turn my head, despite the tingling between my thighs. Tingling that had nothing to do with him,
He called later. We talked and I made my point- the ship had sailed.
I can't even believe that I even contemplated doing somethign that stupid. If I had been attracted to him then I still might have gone through with it, though I hope that I wouldn't have. Alas, we'll never know.
