Parsnip Soup

I go through soup phases, and I think this is one of them. I cook up everything from the regular pumpkin soup (tomorrow... yum) to the completely random. I'll walk through the supermarket and randomly choose things to turn into soup. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't.

PARSNIP SOUP
2tb. olive oil
3 large parsnips, peeled & roughly chopped
3 potatoes, peeled & roughly chopped
1tsp. rosemary
1lt. vegetable stock
1/2 cup thickened cream
1/2tsp. cayenne pepper
S&P to taste

1. Heat oil over moderate heat. Add vegetables, rosemary, S&P and cayenne. Cook for 2-3 minutes.
2. Add stock. Bring to the boil then reduce heat. Simmer, uncovered, for 30-40 minutes or until vegetables are well cooked.
3. Remove from heat. Allow to stand for 5 minutes before transferring to blender. Process until smooth.
4. Return to heat. Add cream. Stir until warmed through.
5. Sprinkle with cayenne pepper if desired. Serve.

That Ship Has Sailed, Buddy

I got a feeling that Hippolytus was calling it off.
Hippolytus called me Friday night and told me he wasn't sure that he would be able to come around Saturday because Lamiai and the children were sick. I think I almost scoffed. A part of me recognized that he probably agreed just to avoid hurting my feelings. Actually, it was the dominant part of my thought process. Only a small part agreed that it might be possible that he still fancies me and really does want to sleep with me.
He turned up last night at about 7:30pm and told me that his children were sick. I invited him in for a minute so that I could listen to him make up lies. He had been granted permission to leave the house for a little so that he could go get the children their medicine (Lamiai has whooping cough or something). I didn't believe him for a second. I repeated, again and again and again, that if he didn't want to do it he didn't have to. If he was no longer interested in me he wasn't going to hurt my feeling by telling me so. He kept denying it though, insisting that I had no idea how much he wanted to (not that he could verbalize it with any confidence).
As we sat there at the table talking I was relieved in a way. It's been a long time since I've felt someone else's skin beneath my fingertips. Yet I found that apart from my desperate need to be touched there was nothing in me that was attracted to him.
As he was leaving, after about 20 minutes and me ignoring him, I asked if there was a chance that he could bring bread by on his way back. Awful, yes? Well he did bring the bread by. I asked him how much I owed him and he said nothing but he asked if he could have a hug. I figured, sure, why not?
He turned up a third time about an hour later. I hadn't been expecting him to come back. He had told Lamiai that he was going out to get some dinner for himself. We sat at the table and talked... while I did crosswords and refused to look him in the eye.
I had debated doing anything even before this. I am not the sort of person that would be the 'other woman' or cheat on my partner. It's just over this last week, after the rejection letter, that I have started thinking that perhaps hedonism is called for. It didn't stop me from thinking about seeing Lamiai at the school knowing
that I had slept with her partner. It felt wrong. And sure, wrong is what I wanted to do, but doing wrong didn't feel right.
As we talked I gave him opportunities but he didn't take them. The part of me that believed he wanted to be with me was starting to beat out the negative side. I could see his hand flickering as he tried to reach out and touch me but his nerves would fail.Opportunities missed he left. As we stood at the door he hugged me. I could feel his hands running along my body and his need to have me. I thought as he pressed himself against me that if he tried to kiss me I would turn my head, despite the tingling between my thighs. Tingling that had nothing to do with him,
He called later. We talked and I made my point- the ship had sailed.

I can't even believe that I even contemplated doing somethign that stupid. If I had been attracted to him then I still might have gone through with it, though I hope that I wouldn't have. Alas, we'll never know.

Becoming The Me I Hate

I called Hippolytus this evening and told him that I wanted to 'so something stupid.' Ugh, I can't believe I'm doing this.

What I've Learned

Life has been a patient teacher, giving me the same lesson again and again. Maybe this time I'll learn from it. Want to know what it is that I have learned?

To get ahead in life you need to be a self aggrandizing, back stabbing selfish son of a bitch. So that is what I a going to be. I'm going to call that woman and tell her what I think and how appalling it is. Then I'm going to start being hedonistic and sleep with a married man. Clearly to get anything I want I'm going to have to start being the opposite of myself. Why not? Karma is clearly a farce or otherwise I've been one of the worst people on the planet 'coz he keeps kicking me.
So a big fuck y'all.

Going To Freak Out

As I sit here I can feel the panic attack beginning...

I have an awful phobia of throwing up. Honestly, I do. I ended up in hospital a few weeks ago because I woke up and I knew that I was going to. I went into outright panic mode. I'm about to do the same right now.
Eirene has a friend sleeping over. I got up to check on the when I hear this retching. Its her little friend throwing up in his sleep. Now of course my immediate concern was to make sure that he was okay... he was so far out of it that he didn't realize what was going on. Then I grabbed Eirene and took her from the room. After that I got him up, got the shower running and called his mother, whom I will find a name for later, to come and pick him up. She said just wash him and put him back in bed!
Well for crying out loud, has this woman learned nothing about how I feel about vomiting!!!
Firstly, you would think that she would come and get her child because that is the thing to do when they're not well- take care of them. Secondly, she knows it freaks me out!
I'm going to be freaking out for days over this. (He seems fine now by the way).

I wasn't feeling very well earlier but I put that down to having my period. But this is going to set me right back to the beginning. I was progressing so well and this, well. I want her to come and get him now. I think I made that pretty obvious.

Its probably just over eating. I hope its just over eating. Far out. I should take a diazapam.

Brief Moments of Arrogance

My plans were already undecided when I saw him standing across the road- Mr. TD. For a moment I realized why Hippolytus fancied me. It's all about physical attraction (that's where I lose the connection with Hippolytus, I don't understand what he sees in my resemblance to a koala), perhaps even chemistry. I don't know a thing about Mr. TD other than I wouldn't mind him pressing those full lips against mine.
I was trying to decide whether to take up residence in a friend's back yard, window shop or go to the library for an hour when his presence added another element to my indecision. If he was catching the bus then perhaps I should go to my friend's place, giving me a chance to perhaps work up the nerve to actually say something to him... sort of like Hippolytus did with me (though I think that perhaps that has more to do with finally being caught out, and considering my rejection of him its probably not the scenario that I most want to emulate).
One clarifying thought passed through my swiss cheese brain- "What are the chances that he's attracted to you too! Step out of it woman, face reality."
Though for the briefest of moments I knew that I could feel his eyes on me. Though was he was looking at me with bemusement (there was an incident a few months ago with Metis that would have left no doubt in MR. TD's mind that I fancied him) or was that blissful moment of arrogance where I was certain that he wanted to talk to me too really possible.
At least I allow myself those moments now, no matter how fleeting they are.

Playground Fun

After Fraus blamed Metis, which she basically did (how in the hell does this have anything to do with Metis?), I started thinking. Metis gets the blame for a lot of things. Like this most things probably have nothing to do with her at all. Like Hippolytus. I started wondering how these people that seemed so nice to start with, were even friends, became such morons whos favourite pasttime is making other people life misery. Then I discovered there was one common demoniator-

Pasiphae

I don't know the woman. I've only encountered her twice- the time she ambushed me and at a child's birthday party. I don't know the woman, only that she leaves me feeling uncomfortable. Yet as I think about it she is the one person that all these people have in common when they start becoming banshees is Pasiphae. Like Pyrrha. She was always nice. Not the brightest cookie and a bit of a drunk but nice. Now she starts rumors and bitchs about other people for entertainment. Lamiai and Metis used to be friends. A few months ago Lamiai would stop and speak to her. Then she became
closer friends with Pasiphae. Now they don't talk at all. As we all know I don't know Lamiai but if she's anything like people say she is, she's become a cow too.
And now Fraus. I've bitched and moaned about her the whole time because she's, well nuts and insecure and about a thousand other things. She only ever really started becoming unbearable after she started hanging out with Pasiphae!
Even this morning when I spoke to Ms. Minerva she insinuated that Pasiphae and a her friends were malicious. It wasn't hard to understand what she was inferring when she said some of the problems the canteen was having when Chris was in there was because of Pasiphae and her posse.
Oh well. Now I have to find something to do to fill my days. I really want the job.
Actually, I really want to be a writer. But I'm feelign vindictive today so I really want the job. Ugh.
Que sera sera.

Bitching and Backstabbing

Won't be volunteering in The Shop ever again.
Not because I didn't get an interview. The job has to be re advertised because they advertised it as full time when it is only part time. I won't be going in because Fraus is a bitch.
I sent her a message yesterday- Eirene won't be going to school today. I figured I would let her know that I wasn't coming in because that's the polite thing to do. (Eirene and I were playing hooky). Her response was- What ever. In Fraus speak that means she's really pissed off. It's what she says when she's being a self righteous twat. She didn't bother to ask how Eirene was, which others did. She just got on her high horse. I responded with- I didn't have to tell you I wasn't coming in. I don't need someone else trying to make me feel bad. I was pissed off. Clearly. Her final response was-
Not trying to make you feel bad just cant keep doing it on my own.
I didn't respond after that. She'd already made me angry- its her frigging job to do it on her own!
I turned up this morning, like I do every Friday, and she tells me she doesn't need me because she's already gotten volunteers. She gets this attitude about how she didn't know if I was coming in or not. Clearly, as yesterday proved, if I wasn't coming in on my volunteer day I would send a message. Then we started getting into it. I told her if she didn't want me in there then I wouldn't bother coming.
She tried to say that wasn't what she wanted. I told her that one of the reasons that I was so pissed was because she never even bothered to ask how Eirene was. That was everyone else's first response, but not hers.
Some of the highlights-

Fraus: You've only come in once this year.
Me: I've come in almost every day this year. Only once this term- because I wasn't well!
Fraus: I've had to do it all on my own.
Me: You get paid to do it! I'm just a volunteer.
Fraus: I've come in every day for two years.
Me: So have I! But you always knew that you were going to get the job. That's why you did it!
Fraus: You've changed since The Rock Festival. Ever since you got to know that thing. (aka Metis)
Me: What, I've learnt to say no?
Fraus: And all your passive aggressiveness towards me.
Me: I haven't had a problem with you, at all. Its all in your head.

I just sent her a bitchy message;

I have to say its all in your head. I haven't had a problem with you at all. If I did I would have said something, don't I always. Unlike some I'm not going to bitch behind someones back. I've just learned to say no and not let people walk over me and that annoys some people.

Is that clear enough. I'm itching for a fight.
After I left The Shop I went to Eirene's class, asked Ms. Minerva if she could get something for recess because I don't want her going there. I went and got her some lunch from elsewhere.
Because I was afraid that it might hinder my chances of getting the job, which I really want to get now, I went and spoke to Ms. Minerva. I felt a little guilty that I wouldn't be in The Shop again (when I'm not there she has to call in people from the office to help, and I made a point of that to Minerva) and I wanted to make sure it wouldn't hurt my chances of getting the job. I don't think that I am going to get the job, but it would be nice. It would be even nicer now.
All fun and games.